The third incredible woman of May

Incredibly brave while holding a friend’s snake!

“When you become a mother, you stop being the picture and start being the frame.”  ~ Unknown

Today is Mother’s Day and also the birthday of the third woman, born in May, who impacted my life in a significant way.

This young woman is beautiful, articulate and adventuresome in spirit.    Tiny in stature, demure-looking to the world, but if you invoke her anger, watch out because she possesses a fiery, feisty and very passionate side.

Intelligent, but not in a nerdy way, she has compassion for those less fortunate than herself, which is why she volunteers regularly at a soup kitchen mission, encourages a young underprivileged girl as her “big sister” in the Big Brother/Big Sister program and has served others on mission trips.

And oh, does she love to travel to exciting places!   She’s ventured to a majority of the United States and experienced trips abroad to France, England, South Africa, Mozambique, and Honduras.  If she acquired enough financing, she would travel all over the world because visiting every continent is inscribed on her bucket list.

Her highly organized style makes her a keeper of lists – lists of things to do, lists of adventures to take, lists of things she’s accomplished, lists of ordinary occurrences.    Her talents include singing (although she does so quietly) and playing piano beautifully with gusto and emotion.

She understands complex molecular biology yet has a knack for writing with humor and insight, and she loves country line dancing.   She owns an outrageous sense of humor and provides family and friends with lots of laughs.  (Ask her if gullible is written on the ceiling – sorry, that’s an inside joke.)

She loves God first and her family second, and probably her cat ranks third on that list followed by her friends.  And sunflowers are her favorite flowers.  I know this young woman so well because she is my daughter, my first-born child.

My daughter and I bonded long before she actually entered this world.  While her military daddy was stationed across the globe, she, as a tiny baby developing in my womb, helped me stay focused during the time hubby and I were apart.

My life centered completely on hers during that time.  To ensure her health, I concentrated on mine and consumed nothing that wasn’t healthy even abandoning my beloved tea for decaffeinated.

I talked to her each day as she squirmed and performed somersaults inside of me.  I wrote daily letters to her daddy describing preparations for the new life that would be joining ours.

When her tiny foot or knee or fist protruded and formed a knot on the outside of my abdomen, I caressed that spot with my fingers to assure her Mama loved her.  I knew music would play an important role in her life because she “danced” each time I played piano and stopped immediately when the music halted.

One Saturday night, after many hours of labor, my oldest daughter emerged as a tiny, delicate mixed version of myself and my hubby and presented herself to me as my Mother’s Day gift.  Born less than an hour before Mother’s Day arrived, my little one gave me the gift of motherhood in time for the holiday.

Every single concern or doubt I fretted over about becoming a mother totally evaporated when that amazing little baby girl was placed in my arms.  In that moment and in the years to come, I finally understood the meaning of unconditional love.

No matter what she or her younger sister and brother may have done, I neither would nor could ever stop loving my children.   Becoming a mother gave me insight into how God loves us without condition.

“The mother love is like God’s love; he loves us not because we are lovable, but because it is His nature to love, and because we are His children.”  ~ Earl Riney

As I reminisce on this Mother’s Day about all the years I’ve spent as a mother, I realize I never could have accomplished this task without God’s guidance, without prayer, without the understanding of a mother’s ferociously intense love for her child.  And I’m hopeful that I’ve done my very best with the lessons I have learned in motherhood.  I agree with Ruth Bell Graham when she said:  “As a mother, my job is to take care of what is possible and trust God with the impossible.”

So as I celebrate my oldest daughter’s birthday in my book of Opportunity, Chapter 5, Page 8,  I give praise and thankfulness to the One who gave me the gift of life first, then blessed me with the gift of motherhood, not just once but three times.

Happy Birthday, my dearest Oldest Daughter!  Thank you for teaching me to be the frame for your beautiful picture!   May your day be blessed with the knowledge that you are loved beyond comprehension by God and by your mother.

©2011 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

The second incredible woman of May

My mother-in-law with her little boy (my husband)

Her birthday passed by just the other day and I thought of her, even though she’s been gone for such a long time.  She is the second incredible female born in May who influenced my life in a wonderful way.

Often when I remember her I wonder, “Did I tell her enough how much I appreciated her?  Did she realize how much she meant to me?”

She welcomed me into her life with open arms.   I can’t remember one time when we had words of disagreement.  She only offered me approval and affection and she always seemed genuinely glad to see me, hug me tightly and kiss my cheek.

She was my mother-in-law.   When I hear others criticize or complain about their mothers-in-law, I cringe.  I honestly never had those kind of opinions about the mother of my husband.  She never gave me reason to.

She didn’t interfere with our lives or decisions.  She didn’t offer advice unless we asked for it.  She was a thoughtful, quiet and unassuming lady who treated me with great kindness.  And I think she loved me like a daughter.

When we visited my husband’s parents, my elderly mother-in-law became so excited.  She stocked her pantry with food she knew we liked;, she loved to cook breakfast for us each day.  She treated us to our favorite things, and enjoyed visiting other relatives with us.   She would cry when we arrived for a visit, and she would weep again when we departed.

She greeted the arrival of her grandchildren with great love and pride, taking picture after picture of them (sometimes inadvertently cutting their parents’ heads out of the frame with her camera aim).  But she never cut me out of her life.   We chatted long-distance by phone often and she eagerly wanted to hear the latest escapades of our lives.

She never forgot a birthday or our anniversary and she was extremely generous.  One of the loveliest gifts she ever bestowed on me was a ring.  Her ring.  It doesn’t hold much monetary value, but soars in sentimental worth.

Set in a simple gold band is an opal, a gem I’ve always loved.  Purchased by my father-in-law for my husband’s mother shortly after their marriage, the ring adorned her finger for over 55 years.

Once I remarked how lovely it was and apparently, she never forgot that.  During one visit, she surprised me by confiding in me that she wanted me to have her ring.   And shortly after my father-in-law passed away, my dear mother by marriage, presented the ring to me.  I have treasured it ever since.

But more than that worn ring, I treasured her.   How could I not love the hands that lovingly held and nurtured  my beloved one?  How could I not respect and honor the mother who guided that little boy to become the outstanding man he became, took him to Sunday School and church to learn more about the God he serves?

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote:  “Men are what their mothers made them.”  To not love my mother-in-law seemed equal to not loving my husband.   She treated me as a much-loved member of her family, the daughter she never had as the mother of all sons.  And I loved her back.

The last time I spoke with her before she passed away, we talked briefly on the phone.  Even though she was very ill, her concern was for us.  “How are the kiddies?”  she asked.  And I related the latest news of her grandchildren.  The last thing she asked me that day was “When are you coming home?”

“We’ll come see you soon,” I assured her.  But it was too late.  The next day she went home to be with the Lord.

When I catch a faint scent of Chantilly perfume wafting by me, I always think of my mother-in-law as it was her favorite cologne.   On this 7^th page in Chapter 5 of my Opportunity book, I contemplate the fact that next year I will become a mother-in-law for the first time.

I hope to follow in my own sweet mother-in-law’s footsteps since she lovingly demonstrated with her words and deeds what a  blessing a mother-in-law can and should be.   Those are the lessons she taught me.

Happy Mother’s Day, mother of my beloved; I miss you still.

“We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.”~ Goethe

©2011 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

Such a pain in the angst

I’ll never forget him.

Situated in the back of the classroom, his enthusiasm for class bubbled over every day.  He was a little taller than the average 8^th grade student and sported a mop of curly hair on his head that actually bounced when he walked.

Cute as a button, he had a broad, impish smile that lit up his cherubic face, accented his dimples, and could warm the coldest of hearts.  He could be a bit of a goof-off,  yet I noticed that he was very intelligent and possessed a maturity level beyond his teenage years.

My work for a non-profit takes me into schools, community organizations, and churches where I communicate with teens about making wise life decisions.  I will never forget the teen boy I described above because while we as a class were discussing problems and difficulties teenagers sometimes experience, he uttered this response, “Oh, you mean teenage angst!”

Other students seemed dumbfounded and asked, “Huh?”  “What did he say?”  “What is THAT?”

I allowed him to explain what he meant, and he did quite well, ending with another phrase most teenagers totally understand. “It’s being emo,” he explained and the classroom all seemed to say “Oh!” at the same time.

Teenage angst.  The word angst comes from the German language and it is defined as “a feeling of anxiety, or apprehension, often accompanied by depression” or “a feeling of dread, anguish, or insecurity.”   Coupled with the word teenage, when angst looks at itself in a mirror, it would see teenage and think it was its own reflection – same image.

What teenager do you know who has never felt moments of angst?  Most of us can remember all too well those emotions from our own teenage years, even if it was back in the dark ages.  I’m certain that puberty, when our hormones kick into high acceleration, fuels most of those feelings of apprehension and insecurity.  When a youngster is in the middle of turmoil, it’s difficult for them to believe that eventually the things that seem so important to them now won’t matter in the future.

Sometimes I wish I could travel back in time and warn my own teenage self that some issues just are not worth the worrying, crying yourself to sleep over, or wasting so much time and energy on.  If I could save my teenage self from all those wasted feelings of angst, here is what I’d say:

• Not getting official “Monkee” boots, or go-go boots, or a genuine leather jumper doesn’t make you a loser.  Someday you will develop your own sense of style and not want to dress just like everyone else.
• Don’t give your heart away to the first boy who acts like he likes you because chances are he likes five other girls besides you.  (And he’s not good husband material, anyway!)
• No matter how much you think you love him and daydream about him, you will not meet and marry Davy Jones of The Monkees!  But that’s okay, because the man you do marry is soooooo much better.
• That hair cut, no matter how bad it seems, will grow out.  As for beauty tips, stop wearing blue eye shadow and white lipstick.  Neither one looks good on you.
• Not making the drill team is not the end of the world.  When you are in your 20’s and enjoying your career, no one will care whether you were a pom-pom girl or not.
• Don’t believe all the stories other teenage girls tell you especially when there is a boy involved.  Girls can be devious, so if Roseanne tells you Johnny likes you and wants to meet you at the dance, don’t run after Johnny.   Instead be available when Sam comes looking for you because Roseanne found out Sam was interested in you and she wanted Sam all for herself.  (And she convinced Johnny to “like” you for just one week, so Sam gave up and started liking her!)
• Not having rich parents and having to earn your own money is not a detrimental thing.  You will know the value of a dollar, make and spend your money wisely, and appreciate the lesson your parents taught you.
• Stop whining about the fact that your dad won’t let you “car date” until you’re over 16.  He knows what he’s doing.
• Don’t go out with the first boy to ask you just because you think you need a boyfriend.  Get to know him first, see if you even have anything in common, and consider what kind of person he is.  (And again, he’s not really good husband material!)
• Never, never, never like a boy who tells you he will break up with his long-time girlfriend for you.  No matter what he says, he will always go back to her and you will end up with a broken heart.  (Another one who’s not husband material!)
• Unfortunately, you will not always be a size 5, so enjoy it while you can and don’t worry that you are too skinny because the day will come when you worry that you’re too fat.
• When you really aren’t compatible with your boyfriend, don’t keep dating him just so you can attend your Senior Prom.  Proms can be highly over-rated and not fun at all when you fight with him all night.
• Make sure you come home before your curfew.  If you don’t, be assured your dad WILL be waiting up for you.
• If the guy you date lies to you, cheats on you, and demonstrates extreme jealousy, don’t believe for one second that he is going to change.  You will just prolong the drama by not breaking up with him immediately. (And he REALLY is not husband material!)
• Be thankful for your circle of girlfriends.  When you’re 50, it won’t matter that you were not in the popular clique.  Some of your school friends are going to be your best friends for life.   Cherish them and stay connected to them.
• Cut your mother some slack!  She does not hate you; she’s just in the throes of menopause.  Someday, you’ll be just as cranky, irritable, and sleep-deprived as she seems, probably worse.
• Try to understand that your parents are concerned for your safety and well-being, that’s why they don’t want you getting into cars with people they don’t know,  they want to know where you’re going and with whom, and they’re not crazy about that guy with the motorcycle either.  You will have three teenagers of your own and you’ll finally understand why your parents were so “over-protective.”
• Learn how to study well and efficiently.  Those good grades you take for granted in high school despite not studying won’t get you through college, where you learn you have to work and study hard for that degree.
• Be assured that as an adult you will marry a wonderful man, give birth to three amazing children, and have a very fulfilling life.  You will do things you never dreamed of doing, see things you never thought you’d experience, and you will not pine for high school days whatsoever.  The best years are yet to come!

Finally, I would tell my teenage self what I tell the teenagers I interact with today.  “Take good care of your future because that’s where you’re going to spend the rest of your life.” ~ Unknown

©2010 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

Stranger than fiction

The things you learn in a waiting room.

Yesterday I spent a considerable amount of time in a hospital waiting room. 

Hubby was having an outpatient testing procedure done, nothing major, just one of those routine tests people of a certain age are encouraged to have.

I was thankful to hear the test results were normal, which is more than I can say about some of the people in the waiting room with me.

I’m not really sure why,  but people I don’t know usually like to strike up conversations with me.  I think there must be a sign on me somewhere that says, “Talk to me because I won’t be rude to you.”   That’s why little old men ask me for help in the grocery store and really unusual people seem to want to tell me their life history.

Sometimes they tell me things I really would not care to know even if I knew them well, ya know?  I really wasn’t interested that one of the ladies, who made eye contact with me the second I stepped into that waiting area, brought along her own container of canned milk to pour into her paper cup of waiting room coffee.  But she let me know that.

I just smiled and nodded my head and told her I don’t drink coffee when she offered me some.  It’s true I detest that beverage, but even if I were a coffee drinker, I wouldn’t use her canned milk.

I had hoped to squeeze in some good reading time while I waited for hubby.  After all, I have this new book that is causing me to think radically as a believer and I haven’t had much time lately to read it.  I also brought along some brain training (crossword puzzles) that I thought I might have a chance to finish.

But my fellow waiters kept trying to draw me into their conversations.  One lady went so far as to declare immediately upon sitting in the chair nearest me, “Well, missy, you look very nice today!”  I looked up to see if she was speaking to me, yes indeed.

I flipped through my brain rolodex with the question, “Do I know this person?”  The answer was nope, of course.  Another stranger intent on pulling me into a strange dialogue.

This woman proceeded to tell me that she was standing by her decision to have gastric by-pass surgery and all her reasons for doing it.  Seriously, what do you say to a person you do not know and probably will never see again who delivers TMI (too much information) in the first five minutes of a one-sided chat?

My first thought was to warn her that complications can be difficult with that surgery, but that would prolong the conversation.   After I shoved that thought aside, I realized what I wanted to say was, “Um…could you just keep that kind of information to yourself?  I’m trying to read here.”

But of course, I am way too polite to do that.  My mama raised me to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  So again, I just nodded my head and smiled and let her talk…and talk…and talk.

I think the Lord must be trying to teach me yet another lesson.  (I have so many to learn!)  Without giving you too many details lest you think I am really unkind and uncaring, let’s just say that I don’t score real high on the mercy barometer.

It’s something I recognize in myself and also something I realize I need to improve.  I would never be intentionally rude to anyone, especially someone in need, but sometimes, I just want to say, “Oh buck up and get on with life, will ya?”

So I’m supposing God keeps planting smack dab in front of me those people who need to vent, those who need someone to just lend a listening ear, and those that need to rattle on (and on!) to a sounding board that doesn’t talk back.

There are a lot of things I could have said yesterday to those strangers in that strange place, but I chose to keep my mouth shut and my ears open.  I did finally manage to read an article in a magazine lying on the table beside me in between the interruptions.  And I learned some interesting facts that I want to share with you here in my blog.

But that will have to wait until tomorrow.  I’ve got some reading to catch up on and I haven’t trained my brain in several days.  I need to just take some time, stop my busy-ness, and listen while the Lord teaches me the lessons He wants me to learn.  And I’m pretty sure it has something to do with speaking less and listening more.  Oh yes, moving that mercy thing up the barometer.

“Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” ~ Psalm 25:4-5

“My dear brothers, take note of this:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.  For man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” ~ James 1:19

©2010 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com