A firefly in the dark

blogDSCN7880I awakened this morning with so many thoughts rambling through my brain, I fear my synapses are going to overload. 

So let’s see if I can make sense out of all the electronic firings going on in my head and put some of them into written words.

Lately it’s been hot and humid where I live, but that is very typical for the month of July. 

However, a few nights have cooled down sufficiently so that I can open my windows at night and sleep with delightfully fresh air and that makes me happy.

Last evening, it was cool enough to venture outside to my front porch and plunk myself down on the porch swing.  While I was doing so, I also had a phone conversation with someone near and dear to me who is going through an unnerving glitch in life right now.

As we spoke, my desire was to encourage her as much as I could.  Our conversation turned to the things of God, as it should.  We were discussing how hard it is to wrap our minds around our infinite God, more specifically how we can not seem to truly comprehend how much He loves us.  As in “amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.”

We turned a corner when we started discussing priorities in life – how we make things, people, events the center of our lives instead of Jesus being the center of our world.   As my dear one shared that God is teaching her to rely on Him, depend on Him and make Him her number one priority, something amazing occurred to me.

So here it comes, true confession time.  For many years, I thought Jesus was my first priority, but I have come to the realization that actually I placed my family in that number one spot.

Ah ha!  The light bulb comes on!  Actually while I was contemplating this, evening had descended on my yard and the fireflies (or lightning bugs as we call them here) started twinkling everywhere.

Talk about a light bulb moment! As those fireflies lit up the dark night, and it is really dark out here in the country at night, with their little bits of light, God’s truth was sparking in my mind and soul.  Because of my displaced priorities, letting my now adult children go bravely into the world has been difficult for me.  I’ve struggled over the last few years with this “empty nest” thing.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I don’t really want my children to stay child-like, depending on us.  I’m proud and thankful that they’ve managed to grow up well, be responsible and accountable young adults, and are capable of taking care of themselves quite nicely, thank you very much! But the mama in me misses the old days sometimes, when our house was filled with young ‘uns and their antics and laughter….and they needed me more.

Now that the college days are over, my young adults are all moving out into homes of their own.   And I have such mixed emotions about that.  Happy, excited and thankful for them…..sad and a little melancholy for me.  In a lot of ways, this past year has been my year of loss and this just seems like one more loss to withstand.

So my revelation last night has given me a new perspective.  Because I’ve placed my family first, instead of giving my Lord his due,  it’s no wonder I feel like I do.  A little restructuring of priorities is in order.   Which brings me back to my brain in overload mode.

Quite some time ago, a close friend gave me a book entitled Praying for Purpose.  It is sectioned off into 60 days worth of reading.  I still haven’t completed it even though it’s been long past 60 days when I started the book.  I pick it up, put it down, pick it up….you get the picture.

Well, this morning I picked it up.  And on this day, the subject is “How Do You Prioritize Your Roles and Goals?”  The author quotes someone saying “…if you don’t prioritize using God’s Spirit and his Word as your plumb line, you will lose your peace, feel like a failure, and end up doing nothing well.  And that is never God’s purpose….”

Good thoughts, way to get your head on straight and prioritize those goals, but I’m going to take it one step further.  I must not just use God’s Spirit and Word as my plumb line,  I must place my Lord God — Creator of the universe and those tiny sparkling fireflies, Savior and Lover of my soul — where He belongs, the holder of the plumb line.  He must be first, so that all the rest, including my family whom I hold so dear, fall in line.

And that is my firefly moment.

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