Downright down in the dumps

blogDSCN6767

Even kitty seems lackluster.

I’m feeling weary.  Worn down.  Lifeless.  Listless.  Blue and maybe even a tad depressed.

In the beginning of summer’s season, I compiled a list of all the things I would accomplish this summer.  My list is untouched and unchecked.  No inclination and no motivation whatsoever to knock those things off.

Sometimes I get this way in the summer when I’m weighed down with oppressive heat and humidity – the kind that renders me claustrophobic and like each breath is a major undertaking because it’s just so thick outside an air-conditioned house.  But this year, I can’t place the blame on the weather or summer’s season.

Stifling, sticky days have not been the norm this summer.  Instead, moderate temperatures have warmed the days and summer evenings have proven cool, often downright chilly.  And I like that.  I sleep like a hibernating bear when my bedroom windows are open and the night air breezily wafts in through the window screens causing me to pull the covers up and snuggle into them. 

While most folks here complain that we haven’t had much of a summer because it hasn’t been stinking hot, I’ve been relishing the coolness of it.  So why am I feeling so drained and so downcast?  It’s not heat.  It’s not the humidity.  It’s not lack of sleep.  It’s not an absence of relaxation.  It’s not stress (I don’t think). 

I can tell you all the things it’s not….but I can’t tell you what it IS.  I can’t put my finger on what exactly is making me so lethargic, so weary, so languid.

So I finally got around to scheduling an appointment with the doctor.  Because maybe it’s physical.  Or maybe not.  But I was overdue for a check-up, way overdue.  And just as I expected, my calendar is now full of more appointments for this test or that, for follow-up on this, and to see a specialist for that.   

And somehow, I have to squeeze all these in between a daughter who needs me as she faces surgery that will require some MLC (Mom’s Loving Care),  some dental work that also needs accomplished, and my work-load at my job which will ramp up in September.

I had a heart to heart talk with God asking Him, “What is this? Why am I feeling so downright down in the dumps?” because I’m feeling the same way spiritually as well – dry as a desert…too parched and spent to even pick up His Living Word for spiritual refreshment.  And that’s not like me.  I wait for His answer.  But it hasn’t come…yet.  Because sometimes the answer is long coming.  Sometimes it’s not the answer you hoped to hear.  Sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be an answer at all.

But that doesn’t mean He doesn’t hear my prayers or that He doesn’t care or that He’s forgotten me.  It just means I must make the effort to seek, to pray, to listen.  It’s that effort part that’s difficult to dredge up.

So I gather it all up, roll it in a ball, and garnish this weary, down-trodden feeling with a smidgen of melancholy because after spending nearly three weeks enjoying some family time with my oldest sister and brother-in-law, we had to wish them farewell.  And oh, the tears flowed when they left to journey back to their home too far away. 

And I’m left feeling sad, and lonely, and a little lost.

You know some days, you just want to cry.  And you don’t even know why. 

But I do know one thing – it was so much easier when I could use menopause as the scapegoat for life with all of its ups and downs and roller coaster emotions.  Maybe it’s just that same old scenario that sneaks up behind me and gives me a good whack now and then – that empty nest syndrome.

Whatever it is, I’m hoping when fall arrives, and God sends that crisp, fresh air season – the one which I love and which invigorates me  – the change of seasons will just whisk whatever this is on out of here, once and for all.

Because honestly, I’m tired of being tired of it.

“I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday.” ~Author Unknown

©2013 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

 

Advertisements

21 responses

  1. I’m sure you will receive many suggestions as to “what it is”, but when this happened to me, it turned out to be hypothyroid. Read the book “Stop the thyroid madness” and be sure to take charge of your symptoms. I also get a monthly or twice monthly injection of B-12 because mine is low. Good luck with this. Physical exercise really helps too – not just walking around the block, but the kind where you really challenge yourself to do something above and beyond anything you have attempted before. I did Crossfit, then was injured with Tennis Elbow, now I’m starting Tabata workouts. Good luck with all of this and keep us informed!

    Like

    • Thanks for the advice, Michele! I remember you writing about that very subject. Had a scad of blood work done yesterday and my doctor is checking for thryoid issues, so we’ll see. And you’re right, physical exercise does help! So good to hear from you. 🙂

      Like

  2. Sigh…IT is interesting, isn’t it? I started the summer tossing, donating and selling stuff in the church garage sale to get ready for our impending move. I was ready for the change…moving to the country. Now hubby has a new job and maybe we will be here longer than I thought. Anyway we have a good start and perhaps it will be next year when we’re ready to go. I’m ready to get on with it…moving to the country…but…I’m feeling held up again. And, our heat is a bear.

    Like

    • Well, things sure are changing for you too, aren’t they? That move to the country possibly postponed just when you were preparing to go. It will happen in due time. Sometimes we just have to wait, don’t we? Oh goodness, don’t get me started on your heat! I remember all too well how stifling it was when we lived down your way (southern Oklahoma), but you get even more humidity in Houston, don’t you? I don’t know how I stood those hot, hot days there, but I was a whole lot younger then too! It seems the older I get, the less I can take the heat. You know that old saying, “If you can’t the heat, stay out of the kitchen”? Sounds about right. 😉

      Like

  3. I had a big long comment ready to go and WP said “no.” Not sure what’s going on but I think the “it” that’s keeping you down is like a hangover after a big party. You have been so busy with all the kids weddings and receptions that constant activity became part of your persona! Like my Mom used to say, “This too shall pass.” Fingers crossed. Love, Dor

    Like

    • Aw, thanks for the love and the good advice, Dor. ♥ I think you’re right – I have a huge “hangover!!” LOL Last summer was ablaze with activity galore in between weddings and bridal showers and more wedding planning. This summer? Booooooorrrrrring! That and I really enjoyed spending time with my far away sister and now that’s she’s gone back to her home, I’m missing her like crazy. 😦 My Mom used to say the same thing, “this too shall pass.” And I know it will.

      Like

  4. Whatever ‘IT’ is, you are not alone in your suffering. I believe ‘IT’ is just part of being ‘of a certain age’ – entering into that last act of our lives where the ones who used to depend on us are gone and we begin to feel just a little lost and just a little weary’.

    Margo

    Like

    • Margo, there’s so much truth to your comment. I agree that ‘IT’ can also be attributed to the stage of life I’m in. Compounding that with everything else, sometimes it just gets the best of me. I’m not one to wallow, but putting all of my thoughts down in writing actually helped. Thank you very much for your comment! It’s good to know I’m not alone in feeling that way and I sure appreciate your encouragement!

      Like

  5. I have had a sprained ankle for 2 1/2 months so my summer has been pretty blue. No long walks by the lake, no walks at all! I get stir-crazy if I have to sit, sit, sit!
    Could “it” be you really miss the family you spent time with! I have had that happen when I have a super good time with friends or family, then find myself depressed because life goes back to same-ole-same-ole stuff.

    Like

    • Oh Elizabeth, I’m so sorry you’ve been inactive all summer! I know exactly what you mean about going stir crazy. I have plenty to do and am capable of doing it all, but just no motivation to get things done and yet I still feel stir crazy – kind of like a vicious cycle thing. Yes, “it” is definitely compounded by the wonderful family time we just had. For three weeks, we had activities to do with my sister and bro-in-law, family dinners, places to go, etc. and now, it’s just back to just hubby and I all alone again. I know that’s a big part of it.

      Like

  6. Mama’s, I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling downright down in the dumps. It happens, though, to all of us. And I know that you will come through this in the end, I just know it, happy and healthy and ready to take on the world again.

    Summer is a difficult time. Things are changing, but time feels slow. And the heat makes it a challenge, even if it’s not sweltering. A friend and I were discussing today how neither of us has felt like making a home-cooked meal in weeks. Maybe there’s a reason, or maybe as you said, “Sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be an answer at all.” Either way — I’m glad you shared your melancholy feelings. Like I said, we all have these times.

    I wish I had advice, but I don’t. Maybe this is just like a cold, but for your soul. So often when I get sick I think it’s my body’s way of telling me to slow down. Forcing me to. Setting myself up for a reboot. I hope that’s what it is for you. Hang in there!

    Like

    • Melissa, you’re so sweet. I’ve sure missed you in my blogging world and I’m glad you’re back! Thank you for your encouraging thoughts. I’m not one who wallows when I feel like this, so I try really hard not to succumb to it. But it’s a part of real life. It happens. And that’s why I decided to go ahead, put my feelings down into written words, and hit the publish button on my blog. Someone once told me I had a ‘perfect life.’ That comment so stunned me that I’ve made an effort ever since to show that I’m real, imperfect and I live a real life with ups and downs, joys and sorrows, good times and bad. Hopefully, it helps someone else who can’t always put those feelings out there for people to see. I think you’re right, my soul has a “cold.’ So after some TLC and maybe righting some physical things, I’ll be ready to ‘reboot’ like you said because my favorite season of all – autumn – is just around the corner!

      Like

  7. Aw….so sorry that you’re feeling “off”. I have those days, too, but thankfully, those feeling seem to pass by rather quickly.
    I hope you’ll be feeling back to normal soon – maybe your medical tests will show something minor, and your doctors will be able to help!

    Like

    • Thanks so much, Dianna. You are such a sweet, thoughtful friend. Had a ton of blood work done yesterday, so we’ll see what shakes out. I’m already feeling better just getting all of those depressing thoughts out and putting them down in written word. It’s always amazing to me to see how sharing my soul in writing can help put things in perspective.

      Like

  8. IT, happens to all of us, I’m just sorry IT’s happening to you right now. I know it’s just a moment, one that is stretching too long, but just a moment. And you know you are loved!

    Like

  9. Well…I know how much you hate this feeling,but God let’s us go through things sometimes that have nothing really to do with us, but others. I’ve been feeling the exact same way and was being very hard on myself for being just a big ole’ lazy butt…useless…a total slacker. It’s true we’ve had terrible oppressive heat up here in N.E. , unusual for us to get this much, but I can’t blame it all on that. I’m right in the middle of menopause,but I can’t throw all the blame there either. Reading your post tho, and all the replies, maybe it’s just a season I’m going through, maybe I’m not just a terrible, slacking, lazy waste of space. Others are going through this, too. Maybe I’ll find suggestions here that will also help me. Maybe you’re going through this to put voice to what others cannot find words for. I don’t know the reasons. I do know that I’m glad you posted it, glad to know i’m not alone. Glad to think maybe we’ll find some things to help all of us through these feelings. Thanks.

    Like

    • Cubbyholes, yes, you’re so right! Sometimes we go through difficult stuff just so we can help others who are going through the same thing. I so believe that, which is one of the reasons I published my post. I wrote it and truly thought twice about ‘putting it out there’ but I want to be honest and real in my blog, especially because I am a believer in Christ. Too many people think living a Christian life is all sunshine and roses when in reality, we hurt and are disappointed and experience hardships just like everyone else. Often we just don’t want to be transparent. You’re definitely not alone in your season! There are many of us who walk right beside you. Let’s help each other to remember that and that God hasn’t forgotten us; He just orchestrates things to bring us together to help each other along the way. Thank you for reminding me of that!

      Like

So...what do you think? Tell me. I appreciate your feedback and read each comment. Thank you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s