The world according to Dove

I love chocolate just as much as the next chocoholic. 

That creamy, smooth, sweet concoction always seems to make everything taste better in my world. 

Except for yesterday.  I have a little stash of chocolate candy, which I’ve been rationing,  left over from Christmas.  Amidst the dark chocolate Hershey kisses, there are a few Dove milk chocolates and one or two Godiva truffles left.

I always read the little heartwarming saying on the inside of the Dove candy wrapper, but yesterday’s tidbit left me colder than a frozen Dove ice cream bar.

“Do what feels right. Love, Dove.”  That’s what the wrapper advised me.

Do what FEELS right?  Oh, boy.  Houston, we have a problem.

Now, I realize not many people actually run their lives according to Dove’s recommendations, (at least I hope not) but I have issues with that suggestion to do what feels right.

How about instead we do what IS right?  The way I see it, if I always succumb to the mantra of doing what feels right, I’ll most likely be wrong. 

The Bible calls not doing what is right a sin.  James 4:17 says, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”  (English Standard Version)

When it comes to doing what is right or wrong, we can’t rely on our feelings.  For example, if I did what I feel is right when someone steps ahead of me in the checkout line, completing ignoring the fact that I was there first, I’d tell that person off in angry language and make a big, loud scene. 

But is that really what is right to do?  No.  The right response would be to say politely, “Excuse me, I was here first, but if you’re in that big of a hurry, why don’t you go ahead.”

If I did what I feel is right, I’d turn off my alarm clock and go back to sleep some mornings because I feel like being lazy, instead of crawling out of bed and getting ready for work. 

But is that right?  No, there are people who depend on me to do my job and do it well and that’s how I earn my wages.

What do I feel is right when my husband makes me angry?  I feel like he’s the one in the wrong and he should apologize because I deserve the apology. 

But is that the right thing to do especially when my anger is fueled by my own stress, being overly tired, or just plain crankiness and all of that makes me a little more explosive today?  Perhaps the right thing to do is apologize to him for blowing up over nothing.

What about when the car behind me tailgates me?  If I did what I feel is right, I’d slam on my brakes to teach that person a lesson and make him hit me from behind.  But that’s not the right thing to do.  That would only make a bad situation much, much worse.

I like the advice Mark Twain gave when he said, “Always do right – this will gratify some and astonish the rest.”

If I live my life doing what I feel is right, the world would revolve around me, my desires, and my rules.  There it is again, that self-centeredness.  And that’s what our world tells us.  Do what you feel.  Do what you want.  Do what serves you.

I don’t want any part of that world, do you hear me, Dove chocolates?  I can be selfish enough without you goading me on!

I’m writing on my heart that today is the best day of the year because I realize, thanks to Dove chocolate’s worldly view of doing the right thing, that I want to astonish people by doing what I know IS right.

“The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.”  ~ General H. Norman Schwarzkopf

©2013 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

Do you see what I see?

A new day.  A new year.  A new opportunity.  Isn’t that what New Year’s Day signifies?

For some, it’s the opportunity to make resolutions perhaps to commence a healthy diet, lose weight,  stop whatever bad habit they’ve acquired, or change some aspect of their lives.

For some, it’s a new beginning, time to put a year of difficulty or sadness or trial behind them.

For some, it’s just another day….whatever.

On January 1, here at Mama’s Empty Nest, we usually take down the festive Christmas trimmings that adorn our home inside and out.

Papa handles the outdoor lights and carefully stores them away for next year’s use.  I pack away the indoor garlands, lights, and other Christmas festoons.  Together we will tear down the tree and place the ornaments safely in their packages where they rest undisturbed until the day after Thanksgiving.

There’s something about clearing out the reminders of holiday festivities though that brings out a cleaning streak in me.  I get the urge to purge when January rolls around on the calendar.

Once the boxes of Christmas are stashed away, I want to clean the house top to bottom, closet by closet, room by room, and de-clutter.  I’ve been this way for as long as I’ve been married.   In the last few years though, I feel the intense desire to undertake all of this, but don’t always possess the energy to actually accomplish it all.  But I try.

This yearning to clean up and improve my physical surroundings reminded me of this quote from my trusty old notebook:

“We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched.  Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential.” ~Ellen Goodman

Isn’t that the truth?  As I walk through my house after Christmas is over, room by room, I notice the things that need attended to, items to repair, unnecessary fluff to discard or pass on to someone who could truly use it.

But how often do I walk through the rooms of my life as that writer suggested?  Do I examine my heart, my actions, my words, and my motivation as closely as I scrutinize my house?

I liked Goodman’s last premise, “not looking for flaws, but for potential.”   I find it as easy to determine the flaws I harbor in my being as it is to identify imperfections in my home that require attention.   But this year I want to look earnestly for potential in my days… yes, I will say it, the opportunities.

Last year, I opened my book I called Opportunity on New Year’s Day.  Today on this first day in 2012, I’m still leafing my book open to prospects, but I’m adding another aspect.  I’m searching for the potential for joy each day of this new year.  No, strike that – I’m choosing joy each day this year.

Yes, that’s it!  I am choosing JOY.  And I’m taking a clue from Dr. Seuss when he wrote, “You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes.  You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  You’re on your own and you know what you know.  And you are the one who’ll decide where to go.”

So it’s decided.  I’m opting for  joy.  I will examine each circumstance as it comes my way (and there will be many I’m sure!) and I will ask the Lord to show me JOY in the midst.

For years, I’ve claimed this scripture from the Holy Bible as my life verse:   “Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” ~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Did you catch that?   Be.  Joyful.  Always.  Not just some of the time, not just when situations make me happy or conditions are right or surroundings are pleasant, but always. No matter the circumstances.

I know you might be shaking your head thinking, “Oh, wow, she’s crazy.  This is not going to be easy.”  You’re right, I know it.  But I’m still going to try and with God’s help and direction, with prayer and searching His Word, I’m setting sail on a journey of joy.  Who’s coming with me?

If you’re coming along, go back up and look at my picture at the top of the page.  Do you see the word “joy” like I do?  It’s written with sparklers on the right hand side.  It proves to me that all I have to do is look for joy and I’ll find it!

Copyright ©2012 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

Tired of excuses

It’s Thursday.  Page three already in Chapter 11 in my Opportunity book.  And you know what?

I can’t wait for Friday!  I cannot wait for this week to be over.   I’m not usually one to wish my week away, but this week…..yeah, so ready for it to be over.

You want to know why?  Several things actually have contributed to my crankiness but there is only one source.  People.  That about sums it up.  So if you arrived at my blog expecting to find something lighthearted or heartwarming today, you might want to stop reading now.  You can go ahead and click out of here, I won’t know and I won’t hold it against you.

Today I’m tired of being irritated and I’m going to vent.  And I’m not making any excuses for it.

My fellow human beings can truly be annoying.  My fellow human beings can be extremely disappointing.  My fellow human beings have the ability to irritate me, anger me, and make me want to throw up my hands in disgust and say, “That’s it.  I’m done with that.”

Why is it that when someone has done something oh, so very wrong, excuses are made for their behavior?  Pick one:

• “He’s just a product of his poor upbringing.”

• “She doesn’t know any better.”

• “He has issues that make him feel uncomfortable.”

• “She comes from a very disadvantaged family.”

• “His problem is [insert whatever here].  That’s why he can’t control his behavior.”

You know what I hear when I hear these explanations?  Excuses.

So what is the excuse for someone to willingly prowl up and down a city street in the darkness to deliberately slash parked automobile tires for a Halloween “prank?”  This happened to oldest daughter’s car this week.  And the culprits, who will never be brought to justice, didn’t just slice one of her car tires but three and dozens of other cars were damaged as well.

What is the excuse for being completely disrespectful and defiant to someone trying to help you?  This happened to me somewhere this week, but I’m not able to share the details.

What is the excuse for stealing someone’s credit card number and running up huge purchases on that person’s card?  This happened to my middle daughter and a friend of ours.

What is the excuse for two teenage girls getting into an argument on a social media network which escalated into physically mauling one another?  This happened this week and was reported on the news.

What is the excuse for road rage?  Or harassment?  Or physical abuse?  Or theft?  Or murder?  Turn on your television, your computer or read your newspaper and more than likely, those things have happened in your neck of the woods this week.

There are no excuses.   We all make our own choices.  And we need to take responsibility for our actions.

I’m reminded of a movie from a few years ago, The Pursuit of Happyness, based on the real-life story of Chris Gardner.  According to his autobiography, Gardner’s childhood entailed poverty, domestic violence, alcoholism, sexual abuse and family illiteracy. Even though he never knew his father, lived in foster homes from time to time, he was determined to not let his disadvantaged upbringing define who he was.  He knew that “in spite of where he came from, he could chart another path and attain whatever goals he set for himself.”

After a stint in the Navy, he found a job, married and had a child.  But his wife abandoned him and his son when their finances took a turn for the worse.  He ended up as a single dad, broke, with no job and homeless.

Did he make excuses for the turn his life took?  No.  He did what he had to do for his son and himself to survive even when that meant eating in soup kitchens and sleeping in public restrooms and worked hard to learn as much as he could about a profession he dreamed of entering.  He persevered until he landed his dream job as a broker without a college degree, limited experience and no connections.  And he didn’t blame his circumstances on excuses.

No excuses.  I like the sound of that.

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

©2011 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com