Monthly Archives: June 2012

Late June’s recurrent holding pattern

Posted by Mama's Empty Nest in Summer, writing and tagged with ,

You know the old adage, “mum’s the word?”

Well, not only has mum been the word lately at Mama’s Empty Nest, but Mum has been fairly mum herself as well.

Definition of mum:  (adj) silent, not saying a word.   The origin of the word possibly came from “mmm,” the humming sound we humans make with our mouths closed, which indicates either unwillingness or an inability to speak.

Shakespeare used the word in Henry VI when he wrote:   “Seal up your lips and give no words but mum.”

In other words, keep quiet, say nothing, shut your trap.  The saying “mum’s the word” worked its way into our language as a means to advise another person to not reveal what he knows about something, to keep a secret, or stay quiet on the subject.

If you regularly follow my blog, you’ve probably noticed I’ve been awfully mum in the last week or two.  Throwing in some synonyms for the word  – mute, speechless, uncommunicative, wordless – adequately describes me right now.  And I know it!

I can’t admit that I’ve been quiet because I know something I shouldn’t reveal because that’s not it.  I don’t know a secret about anything!  So I honestly have no clue why I’ve been so uncommunicative (which is very unlike me anyway).

Should I blame my wordless state on busy-ness?  No,  I cannot.  No more busy days than usual.  Oh, there has been a little wedding planning (two more to go), some strawberry picking and freezer jam making sessions, a bit of cleaning and household chores here and there in between my hours at my job, but nothing that demands my full attention.

Even my computer sits idle.  I check my email occasionally and then shut off the distraction.   Logging in to Facebook has become a rarity because I see those words asking me to declare what’s on my mind, and I’ve got…nothing, no status updates, nothing interesting to say.

If I do fire up my laptop, I sit and stare at the blank screen and I am…. speechless.  Wordless.  I feel like I have nothing to impart, even though my notebook of blog ideas paints  an entirely different picture.  I just don’t feel like saying it or writing it or even thinking about the ideas long enough to put a sentence together.

It’s like I have a disorder – a non-communication complaint, summer speechlessness, or author’s apathy.  I can’t decide whether it’s just writer’s block or summer’s siren song of idleness.

In my younger days, I could be quite the talker, making chit-chat and small talk to fill any awkward silences.  But as I’ve aged, I’ve become more of a listener than a talker.  And honestly, sometimes I really have nothing to say.  Absolutely nothing.

This speechless state has woven its way, spreading like runners of ivy, into my writing.  I don’t want to bore my readers with just any old words.  I won’t publish a blog merely for the sake of publishing every day….or two…or 12.  If I have something worth writing, it also needs to be something worth reading.  And alas, I feel no compulsion to write.   And so I’ve been mum.

I hope I haven’t been disappointing, but I fear I may have been just that for those of you who log into this blog each day expecting some new post from me.   Bear with me, my faithful readers, I’ll get my words back.

For now, in my book I call Opportunity, my deck and the coolness of the evening after a warm summer day (yes, cooler weather came back for awhile) are calling out enticing me.

My softly cushioned patio chair whispers, “Come hither.  Come rest and bask in the quietness of a country evening.  Inhale the scent of freshly mowed grass and savory strawberries, plucked from the garden.  Listen to the birds warbling their sing-song melodies.  Feel the gentle breeze as it ruffles your hair.  Gaze westward and witness another spectacular sunset.   Evenings like this won’t last for long.  Maybe tomorrow you will find your words.”

[Blogger's Note: I actually wrote this in late June last year and because I am yet again in this predicament of having no motivation or inclination to write anything new and feeling quite mum, I decided to reblog this post.    What surprises me is this seems to be a recurring theme around the last week or so of June.  Hmmm.....summer doldrums, summer sunstroke addles my brain, summer makes me mute??   What do you think?]

Copyright  ©2012 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

When temps rise, call me done

Posted by Mama's Empty Nest in Summer and tagged with ,

Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer…

Let’s see…lazy? Check.  That’s exactly how I feel.  I’m finding it hard to be motivated to do anything.  My house needs cleaned, there are two more bridal showers to help plan, and of course, two more weddings.   The garden needs weeding.  My blog is neglected.  The only thing that fires me up enough to post is a few photos here and there on Wordless Wednesdays.  Contemplating using enough brain power to write a new post makes me want to go take a nap or veg in front of the TV watching endless shows on HGTV or TLC.

Hazy?  Check.  It’s hot and humid with temps during the day hovering around the 90 degree mark.  Add in the humidity and hazy you get.   Just like my mind.  Did I already say I have no brain power for writing??

Crazy?  Um… well, I’m not the one who posted this version of that summertime song on YouTube. 

Yesterday was the first official day of summer, actually one of my least favorite seasons.  As a youngster, just like any other kid, I loved summer because it meant no school, playing outside all day and into the long evenings, swimming in my neighbor’s pool, picnics, staying up late, and sleeping in mornings.

When I was still a busy mom with three kids in the nest, summer was a reprieve.  No school, not as many sports activities (except Little League baseball), and a slower pace of life.  I loved having the kids at home and we all just relaxed and enjoyed our long summer days together and occasional vacations to the beach.

But as the kids started exiting the nest and I aged (and hit menopausal symptoms), I realized that summer just wasn’t my cup of tea (unless of course, it’s served over a tall glass filled with ice!).

Summer sizzles and even though I like its sunshine and longer days, I’m more of a cool weather person.  To all of my Southern friends, bless your hearts, I don’t know how you stand the steaminess.   A hot house flower I am not because summer’s heat and humidity just make me wilt.   And when I wilt, I’m lethargic and downright sluggish.  The inactivity combined with staying inside air conditioning makes me a little daft as well.   Just stick a fork in me and call me done!

So when it’s hazy, and I’m feeling extremely lazy, it tends to drive me crazy.

“What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.” ~  Jane Austen

Copyright ©2012 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

A father’s footsteps

Posted by Mama's Empty Nest in Father's Day and tagged with , ,

“One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.” ~  George Herbert (1593-1633)

It’s Father’s Day.  I’ve written quite a bit about my own father here on my blog.  He was one amazing dad, but he didn’t benefit from having a role model to pattern himself  after.

My paternal grandfather died when my own father was just a baby, so Dad grew up with a single, widowed mother in a household of five kids.  From what I gather, his older brothers were not necessarily great examples of fine fatherhood.  So I’ve often wondered how my dad learned to be such an exceptional father.

Since Dad was the youngest in his family, I believe he gleaned some lessons from watching the mistakes his older brother made and vowing not to follow in his footsteps.  Dad also showed nothing but love, support, and respect for my mother, which I think is the first step in being a good patriarch of the family.   But I also believe he trusted God to show him the way from through fatherhood territory.

I think my dad embodied this particular scripture:  “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” ~ Micah 6:8

My own husband is also a terrific father.  He combines a good mixture of firm but not overly stern discipline with lots of opportunities for fun.  I think he exhibits a good example for each of our children and he’s always supported their endeavors, offering sound advice, and buckets of encouragement along the way.   But like my dad, I think my husband also leans heavily on God and his faith to point him in the right direction.

One remarkable and admirable aspect about my husband is his involvement with a prison ministry.  For several years now, my husband has visited our local jail about once a month and holds a Bible study/question and answer time with the male prisoners who choose to attend.

One of the things my husband has shared with me is that so many prisoners either: a. don’t know their fathers or b. don’t have a relationship with their fathers at all.  That breaks my husband’s heart and mine.

I have to wonder how many men – young and old alike – would not be sitting in their prison cells now if they had had good, respectable fathers in their lives as a youngster.  Hubby has also shared with me that prisoners wait patiently to be able to call their mothers on Mother’s Day, but don’t call their fathers on Father’s Day.

Something needs to change.  I don’t know the complete answer to the situation of absent fathers, irresponsible dads, or unloving parents.  But I do know one thing.  Fathers are vitally important to a child.  I don’t want to be ‘preachy’ on this subject, but in my line of work, I see the direct result of teenagers who don’t have a guiding father in their lives.   And I wish it was different for them.

I pray on this Father’s Day that more dads would stand up and take responsibility for the life of the child they’ve been given as a gift.  It’s not just about financially providing, although that too is needed.  It’s about being there as a loving, supportive, involved dad and leading by example for the children who are crying for daddy’s attention.

I pray these men would seek wisdom to guide their children morally and spiritually into their futures.  And on this day in my book of Opportunity, I pray more dads would be like my own father, my father-in-law, and my husband, father of my children.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” ~   Ephesians 6:4 (NLT)

Copyright ©2012 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

Entering uncharted territory

Posted by Mama's Empty Nest in in-laws and tagged with ,

The newlyweds

Marco Polo comes to mind.  So does Magellan and Vasco de Gama.  Ponce de Leon, Amerigo Vespucci, Coronado,  Balboa, even Lewis and Clark.

I’m not a history buff like my husband, but I do remember some historical facts, events, and names from all those history classes I once sat in and I recall these famous explorers.

Those brave souls launched out into the world in search of new lands, wealth, power, prestige, or new trade routes.   I’m not one of those adventuresome types of pioneers.  I don’t branch out too far from my familiar territory and I’m not in search of any of those acquisitions.

But I do feel as if hubby and I have just entered uncharted territory –  a new place to be explored, to navigate through, and to understand.  It’s called the land of mothers/fathers-in-law.

It’s a brand new role for us, a different experience.   Oh, hubby and I had our own mothers and fathers in-law, and good example of ones too, but we’ve not acquired that role until now.

Accepting that you will be someone’s mother-in-law and father-in-law is the easy part, especially when you approve of the new family member-to-be.  From early on in middle daughter’s relationship with her now newlywed husband, our son-in-law called me “mom.”  And I liked the “you’re not losing a daughter, but gaining a son” mantra.   So acceptance part?  I’m down with that.  No problemo.

Our daughter has been married for almost two weeks now, and hubby and I have been discussing our new role in this unfamiliar territory of in-law-ville.  We’re trying to identify parameters and boundaries and we firmly believe this new role involves “keeping your opinions to yourself unless asked for them.”  It’s the untethering of some of the ties that bind and letting go that might prove emotional.

We want to give the newlyweds space, which physically is simple since they now live a couple hours away from us.   But emotionally, it’s a bit more difficult.  I think we’re working our way along the trail, hacking down the potential thorns, and cutting a workable pathway, but I know obstacles will surely come our way.

We realize we’re not Star Trek voyagers whose mission is “to boldly go where no man has gone before.”   Lots of you have been there, done that.  So that’s why I’m asking those of you who’ve sailed into these uncharted waters before us for your words of wisdom.

What have you found to be the most important aspects of being in-laws for the first time?  What advice would you give us?  How do you figure out the holidays?  What mistakes have you made that we should avoid?

The new in-laws

Just as our newly married daughter and son-in-law head off into a new life together, hand in hand, so do her mother and father.

It’s a voyage we will venture upon three times this year as each of our adult children marry.  With prayer and wisdom, we hope to find smooth sailing ahead.  Or at least, a navigable path.

“Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time.” ~  Leo F. Buscaglia

Copyright ©2012 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

City boy turned country gardener

Posted by Mama's Empty Nest in birthdays, gardening and tagged with , ,

They say opposites attract.

He was a city boy.  Born in the city and grew up in the city.  I mean the inner city where row houses are the norm and there are no front porches, just a stoop.

He recalls tales of playing in the streets because he had no grass in his bricked back “yard.”   Those were the days when kids could roam around a city unafraid of kidnappers, child molesters, drug dealers, or anyone to do them harm.  He and his friends played at the nearby river or ran the halls of the Capitol building as he grew up in our state’s capital city.

I was a country girl.  Born and raised outside a small town in a very rural setting.  I lived in a two-story white country home with a huge front porch, complete with porch swing, and played in my multi-acre yard.  My neighbor friends and I would stay outside until after dark with no fear of people; just meeting up with a skunk was our biggest concern.

I met this city boy in college and we clicked instantly.  I soon fell in love with that tall, quiet, almost shy young man with the nickname “Smiley,” and amazingly enough, he fell in love with me.

After three years of dating, he proposed, we married, and he whisked me off to military life.  Following our stint as a military family, we settled down to life in the suburbs where my husband traded his officer’s khakis for a suit and tie every day.  We became parents to three terrific kids and my husband proved to be an awesome father.

During those years, city boy became a suburbanite, learned to take care of a small lawn, mowed, and planted shrubs and flowers.  He seemed to relish in that activity when he found time from his busy career.

Life changed drastically 14 years ago.  Jointly, we made the decision to move back to our home state, to my rural neck of the woods actually, as we were tired of suburban life and living on the other side of the country from our families.

My city boy turned full time country.  We had our new home built on 2 ¼ acres of what once was farmland.   Suddenly, my city boy was riding a John Deere lawn tractor to mow the grass.  He not only was planting shrubs and perennial flower gardens, he was planting trees, digging drainage ditches, and building things.  And he seemed quite happy to do so.

Then one day, he announced he was going to plant a garden – a vegetable garden.   And he unearthed a small plot of ground.  We enjoyed leaf lettuce, tomatoes, green beans and green bell peppers that year.

City boy turned country gardener.  Each year, the garden plot enlarged and he tried new plants, including berries.   My hubby pores over gardening magazines and seed catalogs and he thoroughly relishes digging in the dirt.

Thanks to his hard work, we enjoy our own red raspberries, blueberries, and strawberries.  His garden delivers fresh veggies every summer – cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, leaf lettuce, snow peas, green beans, green peppers, carrots, radishes, even brussel sprouts.  We’ve had sweet potatoes and watermelon and this year, he’s added asparagus, garlic, cantaloupe, and zucchini.

Yes, my city guy’s turned country and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Today in my book called Opportunity, we will celebrate his birthday and I will give thanks for my city/country husband.

Happy Birthday with love to my favorite gardener.   I’m so glad God planted you here with me!

“There can be no other occupation like gardening in which, if you were to creep up behind someone at their work, you would find them smiling.”  ~Mirabel Osler

Copyright ©2012 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com

Beautiful June day

Posted by Mama's Empty Nest in birthdays, blessings and tagged with , ,

My dad playing ladder golf on his 90th birthday.

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is a gorgeous day here at Mama’s Empty Nest.

I’m sitting outside on my back yard deck in the cool low 70’s temperature of the afternoon.  The sun is shining and warms my face.

When I look up from my laptop, the view that greets me is baby blue sky dotted with the fluffiness of cottony clouds and different hues of green in the trees and expanse of yard behind our house.

Next door is a corn field, newly planted by the farmer, and sprouting stalks already.  I close my eyes and inhale the scent of blooming peonies and cut grass and I think about my father.

It is a beautiful June day and I am blessed.   Not only have I just celebrated our middle daughter’s wedding but I celebrated yet another year of life since my birthday was the day after the nuptials.

I spent those two days surrounded by family and friends making memories that will last a lifetime.  And for this birthday, I received a special gift – a son-in-law.

My father as a young man around 1940.

Today in my book called Opportunity, I whisper to the God I love, the One who sustains me, the Heavenly Father who provides, the Friend who never leaves and is always with me.

I tell Him how grateful I am for this beautiful day, this life He has given me, these treasures of family and friends and I thank Him.

But today is another special day, it is June 7 -  the anniversary of my own earthly father’s birth.  If he were still alive, my dad would be 93 on this day.

As I think of him today, I give thanks that God blessed me with such a fine example of a man to be my daddy.  He was kind, he was loving, he was generous, he was respected by all who knew him.  He was a man of integrity and fine character and he taught me so much.

Even though I miss him still, so much so that I cry, I see his influence all around me.  I see it in the good common sense he taught me that I put into practice; I think of him as I balance our check book, a skill he taught to me at an early age.

He comes to my mind when the fragrance of  freshly cut grass reaches my nose.  And I see him reflected in my son’s face, who I think resembles my dad when he was a young man.

And in my mind’s eye, I see my dad, sitting on the porch, straw hat in hand, resting a bit after mowing the four acres of his homestead and enjoying a beautiful June day just like today.

Copyright ©2012 mamasemptynest.wordpress.com